I'm Here
by FifthWindShadow
Summary: "He knew instantly that something was amiss when the doors didn't swing open as they always did. These doors were never locked, so why were they now? Jim bit his lip and looked around, there was still no sign of anyone else and locked doors usually meant 'Keep Out'. Making his decision, Jim entered the Captain's override-code and stepped inside."


I do not own Star Trek or any of its characters. I make no money from this story.

Word count: 1078.

**I'm Here**

The floor was cold underneath his bare feet as he made his way down the deserted hallways of his beloved Enterprise, listening to the ever-constant hum of her engines. It had been about a year since Admiral Christopher Pike had resigned as Starfleet captain and left his ship in the hands of James T. Kirk and his crew.

Jim sighed in relief when he finally reached his destination; although the hallways were mostly deserted he was happy to be away from prying eyes and ensigns who stopped him with their questions. He wanted to be alone.

The abandoned "common room" he'd found a few weeks back had become a place where he'd go to on the restless nights when he was unable to sleep.

He knew instantly that something was amiss when the doors didn't swing open as they always did. These doors were never locked, so why were they now? Jim bit his lip and looked around, there was still no sign of anyone else and locked doors usually meant 'Keep Out'. Making his decision, Jim entered the Captain's override-code and stepped inside.

His eyes were immediately drawn to the person standing in front of the room's only window (it stretched across a whole wall). It took him a few seconds to recognize said person as his First Officer, Spock. Jim frowned when he saw that Spock's usually straight posture was absent, instead he stood with his shoulders hunched and head bowed. It took him four seconds longer to notice Spock's trembling and two and a half seconds more to realize the sob he heard originated from the half-Vulcan.

Jim knew he should leave and decided to do just that when his body seemed to move on it's own. "Are you alright?" he heard himself say.

The Vulcan straightened immediately. "Captain, is there a reason for you being here?"

"How many times have I told you to call me Jim? And you didn't answer my question" Jim answered with a small smile, not that Spock saw it since he stood a few steps in front of Jim, still with his back turned.

"The last 137 times have not worked."

Jim waited a while longer to see if he'd get anything else out of his First Officer. When Spock didn't continue, Jim heaved another sigh. "I am sorry for intruding, I'll leave if you would prefer to be alone." Jim hesitated before taking a step forward and lifted a hand to rest it on Spock's rigid shoulder. "If you need anyone to speak with, know that I am here for you. I'm your friend Spock, you can talk to me about anything." With a final squeeze of his hand, Jim stepped back and started to walk away.

Spock stood motionless for a few seconds, thinking about his Captain's- no, Jim's- words and heard himself call out for him. "Jim, wait!"

"I…" Spock swallowed around the lump in his throat and tired again. "I would prefer your company." His sensitive ears picked up the sound of Jim's footsteps as he made his way back to stand at Spock's side. They stood there for a while in silence and Spock felt himself relax as he listened to the Captain's calm breathing. He could feel the relief of not being alone penetrate the suffocating feelings of grief, anger and loneliness. With his eyes still fixed on the view in front of them, the billions of stars laid out like shimmering diamonds in the never-ending darkness, he began to speak:

"I thought that today would not be any different, I thought that I could control my emotions and yet…" he trailed of and felt a warm hand resettle on his shoulder, anchoring him to reality and urging him to continue. "And yet I find myself incapable of doing so. It has been a year since Vulcan was destroyed and I lost my… Since she was lost and I keep thinking 'What if I had been faster'." He could feel warm tears streaming down his cheeks again. "It is illogical to dwell on past mistakes but I cannot help feeling that I could have saved her. I should have… I should-"

The rest of his sentence was swallowed by a sob as he felt warm arms encircle him. He felt comforted by the simple touch of human affection and he returned the gesture by squeezing Jim closer to him.

"You did everything you could Spock. It wasn't your fault and I'm sure your mother would be proud that you managed to save the Vulcans' Elder Council. It's only natural to feel sadness and pain when you lose someone close to you. The pain stays with us, and eventually you learn to live with it. The pain lessens but doesn't go away. It was no ones fault but Nero's." Jim felt his own heart braking when Spock looked up at him, eyes full of sorrow and tinted green from all the crying. Tear streaks gleaming on his cheeks in the pale light from the window.

Jim couldn't be held responsible for his next move. It was entirely Spock's fault for looking so vulnerable and ethereal. He pressed his lips to his First Officer's, it was a chaste press of lips and Jim pulled back before Spock could respond other than stiffening from the unexpected touch.

Jim looked horrified when he realized what he'd done. He started to pull away as he rambled: "God, Spock, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that, I don't know why I did it! You just looked so- mpfh!" he was muffled by a pair of lips pressing against his again and he felt Spock's tongue gently trace his bottom lip. He opened his lips to allow the kiss to deepen and searched for Spock's eyes only to find them closed.

After a while they broke apart to breathe, and Spock opened his eyes to stare into startling blue.

"Thank you Jim, for listening"

Jim nodded, "Of course, I said I'd be here for you".

Spock smiled, not his usual upward turn of lips whenever something amused him, but a real smile that made Jim's heart flutter in his chest. He extended two fingers and Jim recognized the Vulcan gesture. Without hesitation this time he touched his index-and middle finger to Spock's extended ones. He felt a small bolt of electricity from the gesture and thought that, perhaps this was the beginning of something they'd both wanted all along.

**Authors Note:**

This is the first story I've ever published (actually the first story I haven't thrown in the rubbish-bin); reviews and constructive criticism would be appreciated!

**Side note**; I apologize for any errors or misspellings (I am not a native English-speaker and I'm not very good at formulating myself when writing). I hope you enjoyed reading it though, thank you!


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